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Craft Beers of Michigan: Eat My Short’s

For this month’s journey into the exciting world of Michigan craft beer, I would like to begin by a discussing a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Myself. For those of you who might claim that such a discussion would make me some sort of horrible narcissist, all I have to say is…

[Extended silence.]

Ahem. I apologize for zoning out there but I just inadvertently caught myself reflected in a window and got lost in my own eyes. Seriously, for those who have never seen them, my irises are like two beautiful puddles of hazel that sparkle with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. Sure, you have to get past my nerdy glasses and that weird spaced out stare I’m always doing because, honestly, there’s not a whole lot of activity going on north of my medulla oblongata, but, yeah, beautiful puddles of hazel.

What exactly would you like to talk about in regards to yourself?

I would like to talk about the fact that, at some point in the past, my mother gave birth to me. While I will spare you the details of my entering this world (suffice it to say there was nudity and I cried a lot, or what happens when I’m “with a woman”), the fact that my birthday occurs in but a few short days is a subject I feel we need to discuss.

It was just Valentine’s Day, can we talk about that instead?

I’d prefer not to. I am currently single and that horrible day makes me feel lonelier than a man who just ate some broccoli farting repeatedly on a city bus.

Wow, between the fart jokes and the weeping in bed, I can’t understand why you’re not with someone.

I know, right? It’s a real mystery. Anyway, Valentine’s Day really bums me out.

And talking about the fact that you are quickly hurtling towards the the abyss of your own non-existence as the ravages of time slowly eat away at you doesn’t make you sad?

Well, it didn’t before, but now that you mention it, it is making me a little depressed. Thanks, jerk.

How about some fun and/or interesting (and/or neither of those things) facts about your birthday to cheer us all up?

Sure, here goes…

  1. Being born in February makes me, astrologically speaking, an Aquarius. I also enjoy eating pancakes. How are these two things related? I believe they have equal influence in determining how my life is going to turn out.
  1. I share my birthday with former dictator of North Korea and current dictator of Not Being Alive Anymore, Kim Jong Il. Incidentally, if you want to get me a birthday present, I’m really into stupid looking sunglasses and brown khaki jumpsuits.
  1. Speaking of tyrannical despots with no respect for human life, I was born while Ronald Reagan was President. This, by definition, makes me a “Reagan Baby.” While I can offer no proof that my mother ever met the 40th Chief Executive of these here United States, due to the fact that I have never seen a paternity test to tell me otherwise and because I’m really into overacting, séances, and talking smack to the Russians, I am also operating under the assumption that I am, literally, Reagan’s baby.
  1. I plan on drinking to celebrate my birthday. Do I envision myself doing this by gathering some family and friends together and heading to my local watering hole where I will incessantly remind everyone that it’s my birthday so they will buy me beer? Entirely possible.

Does that mean you’re not going to sit at home moping about because you’re another year older and you’ve accomplished none of the ambitions you had when you were a child?

First off, I’ve totally accomplished all of my childhood goals. Given, I was a very depressed child, but still. And, secondly, I never said that that scenario wasn’t also entirely possible.

But you will still be drinking, right?

Oh, most definitely.

So what do you plan on imbibing?

Short answer, Short’s. Long answer, Short’s Publican Porter, a limited release from Michigan’s most creative microbrewery. I recently picked up a six-pack of the stuff, polished it off pretty quickly, and can’t wait to try more of it and the host of other offerings from Short’s, one of Michigan’s most prolific beer producers.

What? Not a big drinker of Short’s? And you call yourself a Michigander?

I’ll admit, I’ve strayed a bit from the party on this one, but definitely plan to make up for lost time now that I have tasted the quality, craftsmanship, and deliciousness of a Short’s brew.

There is certainly no shortage of options in regards to what I can try next either. In addition to Short’s four year round flagships, which include their Bellaire Brown, Huma Lupa Licious, Local’s Light, and Soft Parade beers, there are their seasonal releases (including their seasonal pale ales) and a ton of limited releases like the Publican Porter.

Want the whole rundown? Here’s a link for their 2014 Beer Schedule.

And to answer your question, yes, I still totally call myself a Michigander, though sometimes I prefer the term Michiganian, because who wants to be referred to as a goose…I mean, besides geese and children who like chasing other children around in a circle after repeated use of the word “duck.”

So what can I expect if I decide to drink a Short’s Publican Porter?

If drinking from a glass, Short’s Publican Porter pours out nearly black in color. Seriously, the only thing stopping one from thinking they’re about to drink used motor oil is the creamy brown head that forms near the top of the glass.

Your first sip fills your mouth with the taste of equal parts coffee and chocolate and leaves a nice lacing along the side of your glass as you drink it. This porter is heavy and full but still surprisingly drinkable. At 9.15% ABV, you would expect that it would pack more of a punch, as it were, but, honestly, this is one smooth beer.

Sure, I wouldn’t go and drink the whole six-pack in one birthday or post-Valentine’s Day related session of depression but, in small doses, this beer is an absolute dark roasted delight. Warm, boozy, delicious, and the product of my new favorite Michigan craft brewing outfit.

Like I said, I can’t wait to drink and taste other Short’s beers. To that end, I’d love to hear what your favorites are and/or what you would recommend. So please comment! I’d really appreciate it! 

Anything else you want to add, birthday boy?

In closing, be sure you don’t forget to buy me a present and/or send me an envelope full of cash to commemorate my glorious nativity. Also, happy belated Valentine’s Day to you and your special someone. If you don’t have a special someone, please don’t let that stop you from enjoying the following romantic poem…


Cheers, everybody!